“If you can’t love yourself, how the hell you gonna love somebody else?”
–RuPaul
Wise words by the ever fabulous RuPaul. Self-love is something that I’ve been working on in 2018. It’s not something that comes instinctively, namely because at first pass, it seems like something that’s indulgent or selfish. Like if I were to tell my dad, who works 14-hour physically taxing days, that this is something that I was focusing on, he’d probably laugh and shake his head. Not out of any spite or maliciousness, but because it’s a foreign concept to him as an immigrant and as someone who was raised the way he was in a country far, far away.
The more research I did, the more I saw that this is something that many people tend to struggle with, especially caretakers, women, oldest siblings, the “responsible” person in a relationship.
But that doesn’t mean that it’s not right for you. And I’ve come to believe that it’s not selfish. If doing these things means that you show up to your friends, your family, your job, as the best version of yourself, then I think you’re doing everyone else a favor. You’re treating yourself the way you would want others to treat you…and the way you would treat the people you love.
I mean Xzibit sums it up quite eloquently:
Basically, you’re being kind to yourself and that’s okay.
Here is how you can have a self care night:
- Spend time with friends and create new mems together, like seeing one of your fave artists. I went to see Nelly recently and the feels were real as I saw him rap middle school classics like “Hot in Herre” live at Temple
- Play with pups. Dog sit if you don’t have any of your own 🙂
- Eat well (whatever this means to you). Personally this means Golden Boy and Mixt salads for me, even though I cry a bit when I pay for the latter
- Go out drinking with friends (in moderation most of the time, excessively some of the times bc let’s be real)
- Exercise. Or you know, relax in a hot bath. Do whatever you want because it’s YOUR night.
- Give yourself the validation that you need and don’t seek it from anyone else. Be complete.
- Read a good book
- Watch that movie that’s been on your Netflix list for ages but you haven’t gotten around to
- Understand that even though you are enough and you can be complete on your own, that life’s experiences are enriched with others and spending it with those special people you are lucky enough to hold in your tight circle. Even when they annoy you sometimes
- Let your mind wander without distraction from tech. Recently, I’ve been thinking about “success” and what it means for me. And I’ve decided that achievements do not necessarily result in happiness or meaning. If they do for you, that’s great…but as I get older I realize more and more that my job will never love me back like my friends and family. So why do it? What does it become? I think if you’re lucky, it’s a thing you love and you’re passionate about. But maybe it’s okay for your job to be just a job…it’s something that a lot of people don’t want to hear and this concept isn’t going to be a NYT bestseller. But I appreciate so much my life outside of work and when I started capturing what made me happy and tracking my time to it…so much of that is stuff outside of it. Like I really enjoy certain parts of my work like the storytelling aspect, the social aspect, thinking through the visuals, learning and creating and building things that can have an impact. However, I don’t know if I can say that my career is 100% my main priority. Instead, it’s more about the people in my life, spending time with them, and learning and growing as an individual and experiencing things. I also realize that I’m privileged in saying this because my work pays me well, I have great work-life balance, and my parents are loving and supportive, each in their own way.
- Have you time. For me, this means being alone in my room, recharging, writing, reflecting, and sleeping. Some topics that have been on my reading list lately:
- Understanding your values
- Reading more about loneliness and realizing that I’m not alone.
- And in general…standing up for yourself and for your boundaries and being unapologetic about it. As you get older, you care less about what people think and spend more time doing what it is they want. This is why grannies don’t give a fuck.
And this is all v important because the more honest we are with ourselves about what we’re thinking or feeling…the more we live a life that is in accordance with who we really are.
That’s all folks! What are some ways you practice a self-care night?
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